It Ain’t for Sissies

I saw an old family friend at the supermarket over the weekend. We greeted each other, hugged, and began to visit.

“Are you keeping them all in line at the Tower?” she asked, referring to the apartment house I live in, which at six stories passes for a tower in a small farm town.

“Well, I do my best but I have a lot of trouble with it,” was my reply. “They’re all at least as ornery as I am.” Then we got kind of serious as I added, “But you know, I really think you need to be ornery if you’re going to live as long as some of those folks have.”

“Yes, you do,” my friend agreed. “A good sense of humor helps too.”

That didn’t surprise me; this lady has always been noted for her sense of humor and zest for life.

“And also, don’t you think it helps to be able to give?” she went on. “To give and take? That’s important too.”

I agreed, thinking of the teaching I’d recently reviewed about the staying power of trees in a wind storm. The old tree, the tall and thick and inflexible tree, will be uprooted in a powerful wind. It’s the sapling, young and bendable and flexible, that will survive the storm. And it’s the same with people. You have to be flexible, to roll with the punches, to go with the flow – or the storms of life will uproot you.

We parted and went on our separate ways. Maybe she continued to think about the exchange we’d had. I certainly did. Now that I am getting into the upper sixties, the aging process has become more personal, and I often find myself thinking about it.

Old age really isn’t for sissies. We have to be tough to survive the pitfalls of life. We lose loved ones, we lose money, we may experience a career change we hadn’t wanted to make, maybe we’re in abusive relationships, maybe we lose our homes in a tornado, we have all kinds of setbacks, all sorts of challenges to surviving life. We have to be strong, tough, and able to take the punches and still get up and struggle on. Surviving – and living a good life as we do so – requires every ounce of strength we have.

In fact, a lot of us find that it requires more strength than we believe we possess. That is one of the things that drive us toward religion in any of its multitudinous forms. Belief in God – however each of us conceives and understands that Entity – helps us to handle what seems overwhelming, when we feel so powerless, so puny against the challenges we face. Those of us who don’t turn to that Entity, to the Source of All Things…I don’t know how they get through life. They must be stronger than I am. I tried living that way once, and it was the greatest mistake I’ve ever made.

Is there anything else we can do to help ourselves live and age well? It almost goes without saying that taking good care of body and mind helps. It isn’t a guarantee. One friend of mine spent her entire adult life doing physical and psychological exercises, only to fall to something that seemed to me like the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s.

Continuing to be active, to learn, and to play will also help us. It is important to keep growing. I firmly believe that the day we stop growing is the day we stop living.

We don’t even know that we will live long enough to reach old age. People in the prime of life get struck down by diseases like Parkinson’s or Lou Gehrig’s.

We have control over our own responses and choices, and that’s all we have to work with. The only thing we can do is…our best. And hope it will actually make a difference

Role Models

About a year ago I joined the only adult Sunday school class that my church offers, which does Bible studies with material provided by our denomination. Most of its members are elderly, but there are a few younger members.

I love these people. They are my elders, people to look up to and respect. They were active, working and raising families, while I was growing up. They have known me and my family for probably 50 years. One of them, in fact, knew my parents when I was a toddler. Their beliefs are generally more traditional than mine, but there is still a lot that I can learn from them.

Some of the ladies take turns leading the class. Evelyn, a small woman with a soft voice, believes firmly that the Bible should guide us in all matters. Once in a class we encountered a situation where the Bible has two conflicting statements and while she acknowledged it, she did not really speak to that conflict. Each member just individually decided what we thought about the issue. I found myself wishing that the conflict – which is real – had been addressed either in Evelyn’s comments or in class discussion.

But, while I don’t always agree with Evelyn, I respect her enormously. She walks her talk. She is into mission – which is good and needed – and every winter, she and her husband tour down south as members of Nomads, a group that does volunteer projects. She works hard in the church, and she speaks up for what she thinks is right, and she and her husband are always ready to help someone who “isn’t like us”. I respect her witness and the way she lives her life.

What do I learn from Evelyn? I see that I need more courage to speak up for what I think is right; it’s especially important to speak out, not just in class discussions or normal conversation, but when silence can result in injustice. Right now I’m just picking my battles.

Cathy, a retired schoolteacher, wears a mop of white hair and walks with a cane. She too is soft-voiced. Her views, like Evelyn’s, are traditional. Cathy’s mind is still quite active, and I greatly enjoy visiting with her.

Cathy has become active in environmental issues, speaking out against long wall coal mining. She makes presentations, she writes letters, she attends meetings, she testifies at places. Cathy is very active in this movement. If you want to stimulate the conversation, just ask her what the latest developments are, and she’s off. The lady is a force of nature on the subject.

I learn from Cathy that life isn’t over at 65. She’s still going strong in her lower 80s, physically and mentally. She puts a lot of work and energy into protesting long wall mining. I’ve been struggling not to think that my life is over, that my best years are behind me. Actually, I’m in good health for my age and should still have time and opportunity before my body and mind start to wear out. Cathy is a fine example of the possibilities we can explore as we age.

The wisdom and example we can find from people like these help me get to church every Sunday, even for the early service, even when I’m not sure I belong there anymore.

Being in this class makes me feel a little like a “junior elder,” if there’s such a thing. These folks are strong examples of how the Christian life can be lived. I’m sure they don’t think of it like that. They’re just living their lives the best way they know how. Now that I am in a group of such strong role models, I feel challenged to new growth. Without trying to compare (which isn’t relevant), I feel challenged to become the kind of role models that they are. I take up this challenge because I admire these ladies and would like to truly be like them. It’s a tribute to them, really, rather than a ploy to get attention. You just make the decision to go for it, and put it away, and go on. So like them, I will try to do what they do. Live my life. The best way I know how.