Faith in God is weird. At least it is for me.
I trust God absolutely with my life. My physical existence. Maybe that is because the night I offered it to Him, He gave it back to me. But I believe that what waits for us on "the other side" is pure love, and I trust that absolutely.
But when it comes to worldly affairs - look out!
Maybe that too comes from life experience. Look at all the times I have prayed for direction about my life or my career or work (when I was still young enough to have time to build a career) and have seen no answer. I have prayed until I was blue in the face, and I still saw no answer.
"Oh, when God closes one door He opens another," people tell me. The doors that have opened for me have come at crisis points, and they led to jobs that were not too rewarding financially and even less rewarding in other ways. All other doors have remained firmly closed.
So here I am now. Early sixties. Left an established job in an area with a fairly healthy economy to move home to an economically depressed area. Savings account is depleted. Unless a door opens soon, I face the certainty of cashing in the IRA I had just started a couple of years ago; it's my third try, and I promised myself it wouldn't get cashed in like the others had. I feel as though someone has tied me to the railroad tracks and I can hear the train approaching the curve. There isn't anyone to untie me, and the train crew won't be able to stop in time.
Can I trust God now? If it actually were my physical life, I think I could. But this is quality of life. How you exist. Can I have a job that is more rewarding than the others? Can I earn enough to at least get out of debt and hopefully put a little by for retirement? If I can in fact afford to retire at all?
And what it boils down to is this question: Have I been following the wonderful Being I met one night as I lay in a hospital bed? Or not? That is the worst of it. I've led myself down the garden path before. Have I just done it again?
I acknowledged this morning, quite tearfully, that I am scared to death here. Maybe I just needed to say it aloud; both God and I know the truth of it, but it just needed to be confessed aloud.
It brings me back to the story of Peter trying to walk on the surface of a stormy sea to go to Jesus. As long as he kept his attention on Jesus, he was all right. When the reality of what he was doing got through to him, he grew afraid and began to sink. Jesus, of course, was there to pull him out.
Do I believe that actually happened? I don't know. I tend to think it is a story that makes a point: When you are in stormy seas, you can come through it unharmed if you keep your eyes on your Source. I am trying to do that.
There has to be a line between "keeping your eyes on your Source" and "not being realistic." I am not always certain where that line is. No, I am rarely certain.
Right now this is what I am certain of: I am in my early sixties, and I am still here. I have survived many crises - physical illnesses, financial difficulties, disappointments that sent me into big-time darkness. I will come through this somehow. (I wish I knew how! It would help.) Some day I will look back at this and say, "I really don't know to this day how I got through that." Just like all those other times.
And I attritube my continued survival to the God before Whom I wept this morning.
Yep, faith in God is weird. At least it is for me.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
About Our Beliefs in the Public Arena
I have been saving this cutout for a couple of weeks now, until I could get back here and unburden myself. Generally I do not invest in newspapers, but I have been purchasing Sunday papers for their want ads, and a couple of weeks ago I ran into a column by Cokie and Steve Roberts. They were writing about the role faith should play in our politics.
What we believe (whatever it might be for any individual) should form the basis for our lives - our relationships with one another, our sense of responsibility to society, our treatment of the environment, etc. Isn't that what beliefs are for, after all?
If we get involved in politics at any level - local, state, national, or even international - our beliefs and values are going to influence our decisions. That is obvious. If there is any place where you would want your values to influence anything, it surely would be in politics.
So what is the beef with the conservative Right?
It wasn't until I read Cokie and Steve's column that I saw the distinction expressed in clear language. It is one thing to do your political work according to your values and beliefs; it is proper for them to be your guide. It is another thing entirely to use them as a blueprint for public policy which imposes your values on others who don't agree with you.
And that is what scares me (and I doubt that I am alone) about the conservative Right. They are doing just that. And while I hear that they are in the minority, they seem to be positioning themselves to make their beliefs the law of the land. That will be worse than sad, if it actually happens. I hope that we will wake up before it goes that far.
What we believe (whatever it might be for any individual) should form the basis for our lives - our relationships with one another, our sense of responsibility to society, our treatment of the environment, etc. Isn't that what beliefs are for, after all?
If we get involved in politics at any level - local, state, national, or even international - our beliefs and values are going to influence our decisions. That is obvious. If there is any place where you would want your values to influence anything, it surely would be in politics.
So what is the beef with the conservative Right?
It wasn't until I read Cokie and Steve's column that I saw the distinction expressed in clear language. It is one thing to do your political work according to your values and beliefs; it is proper for them to be your guide. It is another thing entirely to use them as a blueprint for public policy which imposes your values on others who don't agree with you.
And that is what scares me (and I doubt that I am alone) about the conservative Right. They are doing just that. And while I hear that they are in the minority, they seem to be positioning themselves to make their beliefs the law of the land. That will be worse than sad, if it actually happens. I hope that we will wake up before it goes that far.
Where Have I Been?!
I hadn't realized it has been a whole three weeks since I wrote. A lot has happened. A lot of anger and emotion came roaring out of me a little over a week ago, and it has taken me this long to recuperate from the experience. I am not sure what all the excitement was about - I know for sure what kicked it into motion - but it is behind me now and I am getting over it.
Christian mystics would call it a dark night of the soul, I believe, and apparently I was having one of those, and the worst of it seems to be over now. That is good. It's a cleansing process that raises your consciousness, and the result is good while the process is uncomfortable.
This is how the cleansing process worked: I had been scheduled to present a workshop on the contemplative practice known as lectio divina. The people who had been asked if they were interested said that they were. However, at the appointed hour, the only person there was, you guessed it, yours truly. It came after a series of disappointments and frustrations in which everything I tried came up empty, and it was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I was furious with my Source. Royally PO'd. Depressed, fairly seriously, for several hours, but it was only for a few hours and I am thankful for that. It wasn't until the next day that I was able to go to my Source and tell Him that no matter what else is going on, I must have my relationship with Him.
Has that changed anything? Yes, my blood pressure is dramatically lower. And yes, I have had something cleaned out because there has been a hole somewhere inside me, empty and deep and numb, that has been gradually getting refilled with peace and new energy. There may be more changes yet to come, too.
I guess my point is this: Spiritual cleansing isn't always simple or fun, but it is essential for wholeness and growth, and it is worth whatever you go through.
So without trying to make any new plans or efforts just yet, I feel that the ball is not in my court any more, and the next move is up to my Source. I'm sure it will an interesting ride, whatever happens next. My Source is many things, but boring is not one of them!
Christian mystics would call it a dark night of the soul, I believe, and apparently I was having one of those, and the worst of it seems to be over now. That is good. It's a cleansing process that raises your consciousness, and the result is good while the process is uncomfortable.
This is how the cleansing process worked: I had been scheduled to present a workshop on the contemplative practice known as lectio divina. The people who had been asked if they were interested said that they were. However, at the appointed hour, the only person there was, you guessed it, yours truly. It came after a series of disappointments and frustrations in which everything I tried came up empty, and it was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I was furious with my Source. Royally PO'd. Depressed, fairly seriously, for several hours, but it was only for a few hours and I am thankful for that. It wasn't until the next day that I was able to go to my Source and tell Him that no matter what else is going on, I must have my relationship with Him.
Has that changed anything? Yes, my blood pressure is dramatically lower. And yes, I have had something cleaned out because there has been a hole somewhere inside me, empty and deep and numb, that has been gradually getting refilled with peace and new energy. There may be more changes yet to come, too.
I guess my point is this: Spiritual cleansing isn't always simple or fun, but it is essential for wholeness and growth, and it is worth whatever you go through.
So without trying to make any new plans or efforts just yet, I feel that the ball is not in my court any more, and the next move is up to my Source. I'm sure it will an interesting ride, whatever happens next. My Source is many things, but boring is not one of them!
Monday, October 1, 2007
Chewing on the Lessons Part Two
Have we settled the first point? The unconditional love, etc.? Probably not. You could argue that it is unconditional because of the cross - but that still sounds like the cross itself is a condition. So that gets me to wondering how and why we have gotten so afraid of God that we want a go-between to approach God on our behalf. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I do not feel the need of a go-between, and I am not certain we need one. If we are intended to have an intimate relationship with God, one on one, what would the go-between do? Is Jesus the Wayshower? Of course. Is Jesus the Example? Certainly. To me, anyway, he is. Is Jesus the Son of God? God Himself? Does it matter? One way or the other, he showed God to us, and if we are already loved unconditionally, is it necessary for us to be "redeemed?"
And that, believe it or not, brings me to the second point.
The other basic fact I have been chewing on is that God, the Source of All Things, the Universe, even (if you don't mind getting ultramodern here) the Particle Field - whatever that Being is that we call God - is totally and absolutely above and beyond all our ideas, concepts, and theologies about Him.
God is whatever God is, and nothing we believe about God can even approach the reality of God. Because I want my personal beliefs to be authentic to me, I have had to question all that I have been taught about God before my Encounter that night.
Let me put it this way. I am playing a keyboard piece by Mr. John Doe, who wrote this music in 1776. I am working from an edition made by some poor scholar who compared every version of this music, note by note, to determine which are Mr. Doe's original notes and which are mistakes. (This kind of edition has ways to tell you which is which.) If the editor could not decide, in the second measure of the composition, what one specific note should be, he has to provide his own guess plus the other choices. If I think one of the alternative choices makes sense, I have the right to play it that way. I don't have to accept the editor's choice.
I come to the nature of God, God's love for us, etc., with this attitude: If I am convinced something is of God (the "composer"), I honor it to the best of my ability. If I believe it is most likely to have originated with mankind (the "editor"), I feel no obligation whatsoever to honor it. I can choose to do so if it makes sense to me.
And to me it seems that all our theologies, creeds, doctrines, dogmas, and so on are simply mankind's own ideas about God. Our own guesses. Our own opinions. I don't believe they have come to us from God at all.
The conclusion this led me to is: We are free to believe what makes sense to us about God, but it is ours, not God's. Why else can we have so many religions? So many branches within one religion? In Christianity, even, so many branches within a single denomination? Is it not because we all develop our own ideas about God? If all this came from God, wouldn't it be more consistent and less varied?
And the conclusion that led me to is: Whatever we believe about God doesn't touch God. All our wrangling and feuding and wars over our beliefs are a complete waste of time, energy, and all too frequently our lives.
It would be comical, if it weren't such a tragic waste.
And that, believe it or not, brings me to the second point.
The other basic fact I have been chewing on is that God, the Source of All Things, the Universe, even (if you don't mind getting ultramodern here) the Particle Field - whatever that Being is that we call God - is totally and absolutely above and beyond all our ideas, concepts, and theologies about Him.
God is whatever God is, and nothing we believe about God can even approach the reality of God. Because I want my personal beliefs to be authentic to me, I have had to question all that I have been taught about God before my Encounter that night.
Let me put it this way. I am playing a keyboard piece by Mr. John Doe, who wrote this music in 1776. I am working from an edition made by some poor scholar who compared every version of this music, note by note, to determine which are Mr. Doe's original notes and which are mistakes. (This kind of edition has ways to tell you which is which.) If the editor could not decide, in the second measure of the composition, what one specific note should be, he has to provide his own guess plus the other choices. If I think one of the alternative choices makes sense, I have the right to play it that way. I don't have to accept the editor's choice.
I come to the nature of God, God's love for us, etc., with this attitude: If I am convinced something is of God (the "composer"), I honor it to the best of my ability. If I believe it is most likely to have originated with mankind (the "editor"), I feel no obligation whatsoever to honor it. I can choose to do so if it makes sense to me.
And to me it seems that all our theologies, creeds, doctrines, dogmas, and so on are simply mankind's own ideas about God. Our own guesses. Our own opinions. I don't believe they have come to us from God at all.
The conclusion this led me to is: We are free to believe what makes sense to us about God, but it is ours, not God's. Why else can we have so many religions? So many branches within one religion? In Christianity, even, so many branches within a single denomination? Is it not because we all develop our own ideas about God? If all this came from God, wouldn't it be more consistent and less varied?
And the conclusion that led me to is: Whatever we believe about God doesn't touch God. All our wrangling and feuding and wars over our beliefs are a complete waste of time, energy, and all too frequently our lives.
It would be comical, if it weren't such a tragic waste.
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