Where Have I Been?!

I hadn't realized it has been a whole three weeks since I wrote. A lot has happened. A lot of anger and emotion came roaring out of me a little over a week ago, and it has taken me this long to recuperate from the experience. I am not sure what all the excitement was about - I know for sure what kicked it into motion - but it is behind me now and I am getting over it.

Christian mystics would call it a dark night of the soul, I believe, and apparently I was having one of those, and the worst of it seems to be over now. That is good. It's a cleansing process that raises your consciousness, and the result is good while the process is uncomfortable.

This is how the cleansing process worked: I had been scheduled to present a workshop on the contemplative practice known as lectio divina. The people who had been asked if they were interested said that they were. However, at the appointed hour, the only person there was, you guessed it, yours truly. It came after a series of disappointments and frustrations in which everything I tried came up empty, and it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I was furious with my Source. Royally PO'd. Depressed, fairly seriously, for several hours, but it was only for a few hours and I am thankful for that. It wasn't until the next day that I was able to go to my Source and tell Him that no matter what else is going on, I must have my relationship with Him.

Has that changed anything? Yes, my blood pressure is dramatically lower. And yes, I have had something cleaned out because there has been a hole somewhere inside me, empty and deep and numb, that has been gradually getting refilled with peace and new energy. There may be more changes yet to come, too.

I guess my point is this: Spiritual cleansing isn't always simple or fun, but it is essential for wholeness and growth, and it is worth whatever you go through.

So without trying to make any new plans or efforts just yet, I feel that the ball is not in my court any more, and the next move is up to my Source. I'm sure it will an interesting ride, whatever happens next. My Source is many things, but boring is not one of them!