Back At Work!

It was almost a comedown. After being laid off, and getting strongly supportive letters of reference from my employers, and sending an email to all my friends asking for prayer support, and applying for unemployment insurance, and trying to get a part-time job through a government program…I was called back.

By now, as I reflect on my first week back, it feels as though I had never left. It was good to see the people there again. Needless to say, it’s good to be earning my way again. But I realize that I was beginning to get seriously tired of some features of what I do for this company, and they are all still there.

Why do I say this was almost a comedown? Because I was looking ahead. Strengthening my spiritual practice. Seeking work that would make more of a difference in people’s lives. Using my time and energies for creative projects such as making an arrangement of an old hymn. It was a relief to be able to have time and energy for such things again. I had supposed they would call me back eventually, but I hadn’t expected it to happen so soon. Going back this soon felt like looking backward instead of forward.

So now I am left with saying: “Somehow, I will do these things anyway.”

Somehow is about how it feels, so far. But then, this is just the first week. I’m sure I will need some time to settle in. I race to make an hour or so in the evening for some piano practice, or some writing time, or – my goodness gracious – some meditation time. And a couple of weeks ago I had all the time I could have wanted for such things. I trust I will settle in here too.

And with all that said, there is a chance that I’ll be laid off again in a few weeks. My job consists of working on a specific project for a specific client of this company I work for, and the entire history of the project has featured unpredictability. We never know what is going to happen when. But there is also talk of training me on something new, which sounds like they are going to do their best to keep me around for a while.

I’m glad to be working. I enjoy the people I work with. The long commute gives me time for a lot of thinking and reflecting that goes on under the surface. That is good for me, however difficult it may be for my car and my gasoline budget.

So far, however, the whole scene feels like a huge exercise in surrender. Or detachment, if you prefer to use that word instead. Whatever you call it, it’s letting go. It’s doing the best I can there each day – and then coming home and doing the best I can here as well – and letting go of all the rest of it. So far, I would say it has all been sort of uneven, but it should improve as time goes along.

After all, somehow I will do it.

Somehow.